Being kind to yourself without losing yourself
Sometimes you just need something soft. A warm sweater. A friend who says, “It’s okay.” Or a moment where you realize: I don’t have to get it all right.
That’s where self-compassion begins.
But don’t be fooled—self-compassion is not weakness. It’s not fluffy talk. It’s powerful. It helps you move through life with more kindness, resilience, and self-respect. And that’s something I wish for everyone.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion means being kind and understanding toward yourself—especially when things get tough. You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy.
American psychologist Kristin Neff, a leading voice on this topic, describes three key elements of self-compassion:
- Self-kindness – instead of harsh self-criticism
- Common humanity – recognizing that struggle and failure are part of being human
- Mindfulness – being present with your feelings without exaggerating or suppressing them
💬 The opposites are familiar to many of us:
- Self-criticism (“That was so stupid of me…”)
- Isolation (“Why am I the only one who can’t handle this?”)
- Over-identification (“I am a failure” instead of “I made a mistake”)
Self-compassion doesn’t mean you feel sorry for yourself or excuse everything you do. It’s about being honest—with kindness.
Self-esteem or self-compassion?
They may seem similar, but there’s a key difference between self-esteem and self-compassion.
Self-esteem is often conditional:
If I perform well, if I have a beautiful home, if I’m slim—then I feel good about myself.
But what happens when that job ends, the relationship falls apart, or your body changes? Your self-esteem can quickly collapse—and in comes the inner critic (“See? I failed.”)
Self-compassion is unconditional. It says:
👉 Even when things go wrong, I’m still okay.
That makes it much more powerful and lasting.
Soft and strong: the two sides of self-compassion
Kristin Neff also distinguishes between two forms of self-compassion:
- Soft self-compassion – think comfort, rest, soothing yourself
- Fierce self-compassion – think setting boundaries, saying no, standing up for yourself
Sometimes you need softness: “I’m allowed to take a break.”
Sometimes you need strength: “I deserve better than this.”
Both are essential. One without the other is unbalanced. Self-compassion is learning to sense what’s needed in the moment—and honoring that.
How to grow your self-compassion
It starts small. For example:
- 🌀 Notice your inner voice – How do you speak to yourself when things go wrong?
- ✍️ Write a letter to yourself, as if to a dear friend
- 🌿 Try a short self-compassion meditation – there are plenty available online
- 💭 Replace “I have to” with “I may” or “I choose to” – it shifts your tone immediately
Self-compassion is like a muscle. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes.
In the end: this is where true growth begins
Self-compassion is not a luxury. It’s a foundation for a healthy, grounded, and resilient life.
For anyone who gives a lot—but sometimes forgets to give something back to themselves.
And you know what? You don’t have to figure it out alone.
🤍 Free intake session: discover what self-compassion can do for you
Would you like to experience what self-compassion can bring you—more calm, clarity, and strength without losing yourself?
In a free intake session, we’ll explore what you need and how I can support you. Personal, practical, and tailored to you.